Almost lifeless, I have surrendered to earth as the energy giving sun has drained me now, hit by sunstroke I lay down motionless. Irritated of my condition I was restless in my mind, my head jolting hard. Losing all vitality, I immerse myself into a chain of thoughts. My health was not with me now, where is it, I reflected, when it was with me I didn’t bother to ask from where.
In reminiscence of all that has come in and all that has gone, I seek the origin. I felt insignificant of my existence and all that I have done. Stunned, I see, at this moment I just don’t relate with anyone and anything. I relate with so many objects, entities and people who have contributed to my vital being. I catch hold the root, “I DON’T want to relate to anything or anyone”. How ungrateful have I been, ignorant of the little and big contributions of people and taking it for granted. Proud of my own efficacy, I tend to blind myself of the truth. Who am I? A tiny living being with tiny control, what control even do I have over this dilapidated condition of mine? I exercise around taking everything from nature and others, claiming it to be my own. Everything bestowed upon by numerable arrangements. But nothing was ever mine, and will ever be. Sunken inside, I close my eye sockets, shut the connection to the illusory world to see within. So many voices inside, are they mine? Incognizant of the subtleties within, I understand the shallow life I have lived so far, not knowing the real me. I struggle hard to listen to my real heart covered by expectations and perspectives of my mind. I am the one who accepts them, why? knowing they are not really me, I weep incessantly. Fathoming the situation, I understand I miss the congruence. All my life I have betrayed the world, following my mind, haven’t the world betrayed me back? The world tends to induce the mind following and hence nations, religions, societies, people are in complete disharmony. Desires induce mind, misplaced desires cause misery, unaware of my true identity. I stepped back trying to be grateful for all that I have received, even this sunstroke which allowed me to go deep within.
My rumbling stomach broke my meditation, I sat up smiling, joyfully insignificant, feeling better but weak, this body a prison. Seeking an alternative, I rise, I nod, understanding what needs to be done on this path. Unprepared, I look for a clue . . .